I want to be Counselor Troi!

If you don't know who Counselor Troi is....SHAME!!!

Well, maybe not. Ex-Trek people like myself seems to think that everyone should know all of the Star Trek Next Gen characters like Kirk or Spock (I say "Ex-Trek" because my viewing habits have slid partway through DS9 and Voyager....and none at all for Enterprise).

But for the uninitiated, Counselor Troi is a member of the command crew who is an empath (someone who can feel or sense other people's feelings). So natch, she spends a lot of her time saying "I can sense in you". Really, she says that in almost all episodes to the point where one asks what does she really do for a living on the starship. I mean, she sees Captain Picard looking out the window with a frown and she says "I can sense turmoil within you, Captain." So can we.

So why the heck do I want to be like her?

Well, there was this one episode where she had to be tested as part of her promotion to Lieutanant Commander. This test involved passing a simluation where she was in command of a ship that was in big trouble (as in if-we-don't-do-something-about-the-antimatter-imbalance-in-the-engine-we-will-all-die kind of trouble). Suffice it to say she failed again and again as she tried different solutions.

Problem was, her 'solutions' all avoided the one thing she absolutely had to do in order to save the ship - though she didn't know it at the time because it was not in her nature to do. It was out of her sphere of experience. However, the moment she went outside her comfort zone, she passed the test because she did what she had to do.

The solution? She had to order one of the crew - the Chief Engineer - to go and fix the problem down in the engine room even though she knew that it was going to cost him his life. And even though he was her friend, she did what she had to do.

Man, I gotta watch that episode again.

So what does this have to do with me? Well, I had a small heart-to-heart talk with my boss a couple of weeks ago, and - in a nutshell - he told me I'm too nice of a guy. Someone in my position has to be tougher - not rude, mind you (or else HR will get me) - but someone who will need to do what needs to be done. People just seem to get the impression that they can tell me whatever they want and I will bend.

Funny thing is, I've been told the same thing in my personal life. That I never really say what's on my mind, or offer my opinion and stick to it even if it's in conflict with someone else's.

Definitely outside my comfort zone. As a person, I just want to be able to make everyone happy and I am so averse to conflict. And some people will tell me that's unavoidable.

But that's why I want to be like Counselor Troi! I want to be able to have my own epiphany one day and wake up being a stronger person than I am today.

Now, is that the blue pill or the red?